apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
