I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
