im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
