Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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