Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
