I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
