you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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