She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
