first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
