my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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