he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
