At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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