I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need a beard to bite.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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