I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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