whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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