I just made out with a guy for $7.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
