Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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