If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
