Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
