Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
