Just fell off a train. Bad.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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