I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
