This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
