I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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