Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
