Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up under a house in Key West
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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