Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
