My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
