Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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