Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Someone shattered a urinal.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
