I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
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Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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