Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
