that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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