literally had 100 drinks last night.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
