I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
