ADVERTISEMENT

• (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

  Fav 13 6927 1898

  share tweet
  

• (650): View more from California

  I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.

  Fav 5 4402 1298

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?

  Fav 7 3016 1122

  share tweet
  

• (661): View more from California

  fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.

  Fav 5 3637 889

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

  Fav 5 5157 1100

  share tweet
  

• (213): View more from California

  Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.

  Fav 5 2076 891

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.

  Fav 2 1430 778

  share tweet
  

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.

  Fav 6 945 2010

  share tweet
  

• (316): View more from Kansas

  This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.

  Fav 20 2780 882

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..

  Fav 12 3000 925

  share tweet
  

• (779): View more from Illinois

  I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs

  Fav 8 2529 805

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (207): View more from Maine

  Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?

  Fav 1 734 220

  share tweet
  

• (417): View more from Missouri

  I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.

  Fav 2 32 132

  share tweet
  

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...

  Fav 1 79 20

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (801): View more from Utah

  Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.

  Fav 0 30 31

  share tweet
  

Randomize