look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.