Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.

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  (812): her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time. http://tfl.nu/kowe
  Replies (8) Good night (3340) Bad night (600)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM

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  (613): she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent (613): I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM http://tfl.nu/2tls
  Replies (24) Good night (1068) Bad night (5429)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.

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  (+61): She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom. http://tfl.nu/ltjp
  Replies (43) Good night (1413) Bad night (9884)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...

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  (325): Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on... http://tfl.nu/mq0s
  Replies (42) Good night (1401) Bad night (6783)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...

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  (631): Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit... http://tfl.nu/oz8a
  Replies (11) Good night (4998) Bad night (1587)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

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  (609): Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life. http://tfl.nu/eqwc
  Replies (34) Good night (1780) Bad night (4168)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...

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  (253): Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning... http://tfl.nu/es8o
  Replies (6) Good night (2804) Bad night (867)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job

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  (918): Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job http://tfl.nu/tafk
  Replies (7) Good night (3001) Bad night (791)
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  (760): View more from California

  Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.

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  (760): Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland. http://tfl.nu/5y5k
  Replies (11) Good night (4027) Bad night (722)
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  (951): View more from California

  We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.

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  (951): We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question. http://tfl.nu/23so
  Replies (13) Good night (2011) Bad night (752)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.

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  (610): Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey. http://tfl.nu/1z5r
  Replies (5) Good night (1744) Bad night (658)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.

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  (843): He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals. http://tfl.nu/0dw2
  Replies (8) Good night (1640) Bad night (882)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.

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  (315): He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate. http://tfl.nu/3a8i
  Replies (5) Good night (857) Bad night (264)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.

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  (803): I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean. http://tfl.nu/4wmr
  Replies (5) Good night (411) Bad night (237)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.

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  (248): I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time. http://tfl.nu/vtdb
  Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (478)

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