You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle