We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat