What did we do last night that was yellow?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
