Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?

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  (310): so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump? http://tfl.nu/ubjm
  Replies (33) Good night (816) Bad night (4331)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.

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  (810): She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again. http://tfl.nu/2zep
  Replies (1) Good night (3214) Bad night (797)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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  (443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw
  Replies (11) Good night (5693) Bad night (1295)
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  (845): View more from New York

  i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out

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  (845): i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out http://tfl.nu/p8nx
  Replies (3) Good night (2937) Bad night (747)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.

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  (618): She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover. http://tfl.nu/cpec
  Replies (13) Good night (4129) Bad night (983)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"

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  (248): On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers" http://tfl.nu/kmiv
  Replies (12) Good night (2571) Bad night (1348)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.

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  (281): I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind. http://tfl.nu/2oc1
  Replies (8) Good night (2966) Bad night (714)
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  (845): View more from New York

  And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.

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  (845): And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn. http://tfl.nu/8782
  Replies (1) Good night (849) Bad night (342)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey

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  (845): You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey http://tfl.nu/3j62
  Replies (5) Good night (1370) Bad night (612)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.

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  (972): He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex. http://tfl.nu/pe6j
  Replies (6) Good night (1201) Bad night (490)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.

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  (509): He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/dvob
  Replies (6) Good night (1251) Bad night (674)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey I found a cat!

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  (270): Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do. (1-270): Hey I found a cat! http://tfl.nu/yvuv
  Replies (7) Good night (1700) Bad night (300)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer

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  (214): Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer http://tfl.nu/w9ex
  Replies (3) Good night (493) Bad night (438)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.

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  (571): My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous. (703): Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill. http://tfl.nu/6yt0
  Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (278)
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  (275): View more from

  And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story

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  (275): And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story http://tfl.nu/9orz
  Replies (3) Good night (437) Bad night (195)

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