That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Operation Purity has been aborted
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
