I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
