im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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