He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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