Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
this hospital has no fireball
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
