I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize