you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
