he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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