Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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