I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
