Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
