I feel like abortions should bother me more
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
