I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
