just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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