Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
