while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
