If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
