Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
