Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
