let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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