theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
