Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
