She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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