nut hugger
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
