alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i dont even know how to be here
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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