And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
