i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
