woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
