margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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