I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
