Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
