that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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