Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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