Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
