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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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