We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
