If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
