Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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