I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
