is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
